Baby Resume - 13 Weeks
The Job Search Starts Early
Ever wondered what people are expecting you to put in the "occupation" blank when you fill out forms about children? After filling out so many forms during the early days of my daughter's life, I realized that I'm probably embarrassing her by writing "unemployed" every time. As if she's just some little freeloader at my house! Three months old is old enough to contribute, right? I figured that if my daughter is expected to list an occupation, then she'll need a good resume. And so...
The 13-week-old's Resume
CAREER OBJECTIVE: Currently seeking a low-stress position in a warm snuggly environment.
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS:
* Weigh less than 9 pounds; very portable!
* Have good deposition; very calm.
* Can recognize familiar faces within 12-15 inches of me.
* Skill set includes eating, drooling, and pooping.
* All vaccinations are current.
* Can sleep up to 5 hours in a row.
* Six weeks experience smiling.
* Learned to giggle last week!
PREVIOUS WORK HISTORY:
My last job included a lot of swimming. It was a short-term job, that should have lasted 40 weeks, but an administrative decision was made to let me go after only 35 weeks. I don't understand all the details, I was just pushed out rather suddenly.